Rough First Day

Published September 26, 2017 by wackybrittany

Like I talked about in my last blog post, today was the first day of school. It was pretty tough. I barely got enough sleep last night. I had a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and I tossed and turned a lot. Dang anxiety!

I need to review slopes for my math class. We just continue from where I left off from my last class. The teacher goes kind of fast too. I’ll be struggling this term.

I also found out that for one online computer class I need a laptop so I can do my homework on the go. I have a Linux laptop and a windows desktop. It’s not required, but it would be 10x’s easier if I had one. I also should’ve already taken the other computer class I’m taking, but it’s not required. This is going to be a fun term..
After class got out I went to the bookstore to get my books. I had to wait in line an hour before I could buy my book. That’s typical for the first week of class. Why do college textbooks have to cost so much?

I’m facing at least 30 hours of homework per week along with my 12 credit classes. On top of that I work. Why must I do this to myself? This is too difficult for me. I can’t handle this type of stress.

I’m not neurotypical. I have no other choice though. I’ve been forced to go t work because I’m no longer disabled enough for Social Security. I want to go to school for a better job than a cashier at Walmart, but it’s too difficult to work and go to school. Why does life have to shit on me so hard right now? Ugh!

Rant over, for now, sorry.

Thanks for reading! I hope you have a good day!

-Brittany

Advertisements

School Has Started

Published September 25, 2017 by wackybrittany

I had a pretty chaotic summer, for me at least. My store had a remodel, I transferred stores, I was always busy on my days off, I was barely home, and I never got enough sleep. Starting at a new store was chaotic for the first week. 

I’m ready for things to calm down. Will they? Nope. Not now at school has started. This term I’m taking a math class on campus and two online computer classes. Why do I do this to myself?

I had a rough night. I got maybe four hours of sleep with lots of tossing and turning. My anxiety was running high. I wasn’t able to fall asleep, or when I did fall asleep I couldn’t stay asleep. I didn’t dress for the weather today. I thought it was supposed to be warm, but it’s cloudy, so I’m in shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. I’m sitting, waiting for class, cold.

I’ll try to make another post after I login and do my online classes later tonight.

Fun Experiment

Published June 10, 2017 by wackybrittany

I learned how to spin yarn using a drop spindle. If you don’t know what that means, basically, I take something called roving and I spin it into yarn. Roving is basically wool before it’s spun.
I took a picture of the drop spindle that I bought and some roving that was given to me. Please excuse the stained food tray.

I really love spinning yarn, but drop spinning has done a number on my hands and wrists. I really want a spinning wheel, but I don’t have the space or money for one. So that got me thinking. I had bought a small fan that has a low and a high setring on it. I wanted to glue a wooden dowel to the fan and attach a hook to it to make spinning faster and easier.

I spent weeks thinking about this. I finally got the courage to try it out.

It looks janky, but it actually works decently.

Hahahahaha, man that looks terrible. It took several layers of hot glue and several sticks before I reached this level. I used Gorilla Hot Glue. It was a guessing game of how much glue I needed. So I just kept on going until I felt it was sturdy enough.

First time I tried it without a hook it didnt spin at all. I kind of figured that would happen. After attaching a hook that I took from a other drop spindle that I have I started testing it more. It works. I dreft the roving, or pull the roving apart to spin, instead of spin and dreft. It just works for me that way. Drefting the roving before spinning seems to work a lot better rather than drefting while I go.

I have to constantly stop and go with this, just like with drop spinning, it just spins much faster. I have to keep a careful eye on the roving to make sure it isn’t spun too tight, or gets tangled since its spun really fast.

I like it. I hope I make good use of this thing. Yes I do plan on getting a real wheel in the future. Until then, I’m happy with my little device.

Thanks for reading! Take care!

-Brittany

PS:

This is a post about a DIY yarn spinner that I came up with. This is just talking about what I came up with and not a step by step tutorial. If you actually want to try this I am not liable for any outcome you have. This was a just for fun experiment.

Autism Walk 2017 Oaks Park

Published May 1, 2017 by wackybrittany

I had a fun day today. I went to an Autism Walk that I signed up for through work. It was at Oaks Amusement Park in Portland Oregon. It was for the Autism Society of Oregon. It was super nerve racking though because I was there, by myself. Even though I saw some co-workers I was more or less on my own.

Afterwards I did spend the day there since it has been years since I’ve gone, and I new I probably wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t as fun going on rides on my own, but I still had fun. Below are the pictures that I took.

Front of the shirt that I wore:

Back of the shirt:

Me:

There were a lot of people there:

There were people dressed in costumes of Star Wars characters:

There was a stage with music and there were kids dancing and having fun:

The meaning of the logo on the shirt:

Random pictures at the amusement park:

Golf course above and below:

For some reason I took a picture of my shoes, putt, and ball:

Me on the carousel:

Me on the scrambler. I ride that one at least five times:

Ugh

Published April 18, 2017 by wackybrittany

Ugh, just ugh. Lately everything just feels yucky. No I’m not sick, but I feel emotionally yucky, which has been making me exhausted all the time.

Warning, this is a rant about how frustrated and tired I am right now about stuff in my life.

For the first few months of working I was so focused on not messing up, (which I still did), at work that I was able to block out the noise. Now that I don’t feel like I have to focus so hard I can hear most everything around me all at once. It was as if one day I started to hear everything all at once. Not just at work, but everywhere around me. It was as if someone pushed a button and all the noise came all at once.

I mentioned in a previous blog post, (that I deleted), that I’m on the Autism Spectrum. My learning disability, PDD, was put onto the spectrum a few years ago. Here is a link that I found that describes PDD a little more, and the part of being on the Autism Spectrum. https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/pdd-nos

I am working because Social Security has decided that I am no longer considered disabled enough to stay on Social Security. Unfortunately, when going through the process of being re-evaluated last year I only really knew about having a learning disability and that it has a name. On the paperwork I only put that I have a learning disability, I never put that it’s PDD. I didn’t find out about the Autism Spectrum until after I had the evaluations done to see if I’m still disabled. I would think that they would go through ALL of the paperwork since childhood and see what my learning disability is. I figured they would go through the file of the psychologist that I saw in 2012 or 2013 who said my condition will not improve. Apparently not. 

It’s frustrating because I have a hard time talking about my needs, talking about my disability, talking about what I can or can’t do. When I start to think about such things I get overwhelmed and I start to shut down.

Now, it’s become more difficult for me to work because it’s usually loud. Not usually a constant loud, but loud most of the time. I also don’t like how there are a lot of people everywhere all at once mixed with the noise. It’s so overwhelming that all I want to do is shit down and cry.

Why am I working retail if it’s too noisy? Or too much to handle? Why not get a different job? Well, for one I don’t have a degree to get a better job. Another reason is not very many places don’t require multitasking or having to interact with people. Lastly, I don’t have any other job skills or experience for most other jobs. I’m bad at cleaning, pushing carts, washing dishes, and I cook ALL my meals in the microwave because cooking gives me anxiety. 

I am also not wanting to look for online work because most everything online that I’ve come across is a scam. I can’t run an Etsy shop fully for an income. My Squishbelly Etsy shop failed. I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to do taxes for a business.

I found a pretty good video on YouTube that shows what it’s like for me when I hear the world on a daily basis. It says children with Autism, but it also goes for adults. https://youtu.be/M20DIK1Yt3A

I would like for you to watch that video, then come back and finish reading this. This is why when I’m working and there is a lot going on and someone tries to talk to me I stare at them. I can’t hear their words. The words get muffled and come in and out. It makes me want to cry. It is the reason why I HAVE to wear headphones and listen to music on the bus to cope. This is why I don’t like going to parties, I prefer to stay at home, or a friend’s home, and not go out into public often. It sucks.

Keep in mind though, this is my experience with my Autism. It will be different for other people with Autism.

Thank you for reading my long rant. Have a good day!

-Brittany

Oh My Goodness

Published March 15, 2017 by wackybrittany

These last two terms have been hard for me. Whew! I don’t handle working part time, going to school full time, and get everywhere by bus. It’s just too much for me. Next term I’m dropping to part time school. Lets hope that helps relieve a lot of stress and that will give me a free day. That will be mostly for homework, but at least ill have a day to sleep in and have a free day.

Next week are my finals. I hope I pass at least one class this term. My spring break in busy with work and seeing friends, family, and my boyfriend.

Merry Christmas!

Published December 26, 2016 by wackybrittany

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate Christmas! Happy Holidays who celebrate other holidays!

I am at my mom’s celebrating Christmas with my family. We’re having a good time.
Non Christmas related stuff:

Phew! The holidays have been crazy for me. It felt like all I did was go to work, go home and go to bed, and repeat. I was scheduled 30+ hours a week. I had one day of being completely lazy, on a snow day, but that was it. On other days I didn’t work I saw friends, but that only happened a couple of times.

I’m hoping that since my hours will be dropping I’ll be able to have more time for my Etsy shop. I still want to run my shop. Something I’ve learned about running my shop is to make my items, then sell them. Don’t do made to order, that is much more difficult to do.

I am trying a new craft and I’m hoping to be able to start making and selling items from that.

I got an A in my ASL class and a B in my writing class. Next term I’ll be taking ASL 202, Reading 115, and Math I think 60 something..

Thank you for reading my random ramblings. Take care!

-Brittany