All posts in the autism category

Autism Walk 2017 Oaks Park

Published May 1, 2017 by wackybrittany

I had a fun day today. I went to an Autism Walk that I signed up for through work. It was at Oaks Amusement Park in Portland Oregon. It was for the Autism Society of Oregon. It was super nerve racking though because I was there, by myself. Even though I saw some co-workers I was more or less on my own.

Afterwards I did spend the day there since it has been years since I’ve gone, and I new I probably wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t as fun going on rides on my own, but I still had fun. Below are the pictures that I took.

Front of the shirt that I wore:

Back of the shirt:


There were a lot of people there:

There were people dressed in costumes of Star Wars characters:

There was a stage with music and there were kids dancing and having fun:

The meaning of the logo on the shirt:

Random pictures at the amusement park:

Golf course above and below:

For some reason I took a picture of my shoes, putt, and ball:

Me on the carousel:

Me on the scrambler. I ride that one at least five times:


Published April 18, 2017 by wackybrittany

Ugh, just ugh. Lately everything just feels yucky. No I’m not sick, but I feel emotionally yucky, which has been making me exhausted all the time.

Warning, this is a rant about how frustrated and tired I am right now about stuff in my life.

For the first few months of working I was so focused on not messing up, (which I still did), at work that I was able to block out the noise. Now that I don’t feel like I have to focus so hard I can hear most everything around me all at once. It was as if one day I started to hear everything all at once. Not just at work, but everywhere around me. It was as if someone pushed a button and all the noise came all at once.

I mentioned in a previous blog post, (that I deleted), that I’m on the Autism Spectrum. My learning disability, PDD, was put onto the spectrum a few years ago. Here is a link that I found that describes PDD a little more, and the part of being on the Autism Spectrum.

I am working because Social Security has decided that I am no longer considered disabled enough to stay on Social Security. Unfortunately, when going through the process of being re-evaluated last year I only really knew about having a learning disability and that it has a name. On the paperwork I only put that I have a learning disability, I never put that it’s PDD. I didn’t find out about the Autism Spectrum until after I had the evaluations done to see if I’m still disabled. I would think that they would go through ALL of the paperwork since childhood and see what my learning disability is. I figured they would go through the file of the psychologist that I saw in 2012 or 2013 who said my condition will not improve. Apparently not. 

It’s frustrating because I have a hard time talking about my needs, talking about my disability, talking about what I can or can’t do. When I start to think about such things I get overwhelmed and I start to shut down.

Now, it’s become more difficult for me to work because it’s usually loud. Not usually a constant loud, but loud most of the time. I also don’t like how there are a lot of people everywhere all at once mixed with the noise. It’s so overwhelming that all I want to do is shit down and cry.

Why am I working retail if it’s too noisy? Or too much to handle? Why not get a different job? Well, for one I don’t have a degree to get a better job. Another reason is not very many places don’t require multitasking or having to interact with people. Lastly, I don’t have any other job skills or experience for most other jobs. I’m bad at cleaning, pushing carts, washing dishes, and I cook ALL my meals in the microwave because cooking gives me anxiety. 

I am also not wanting to look for online work because most everything online that I’ve come across is a scam. I can’t run an Etsy shop fully for an income. My Squishbelly Etsy shop failed. I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to do taxes for a business.

I found a pretty good video on YouTube that shows what it’s like for me when I hear the world on a daily basis. It says children with Autism, but it also goes for adults.

I would like for you to watch that video, then come back and finish reading this. This is why when I’m working and there is a lot going on and someone tries to talk to me I stare at them. I can’t hear their words. The words get muffled and come in and out. It makes me want to cry. It is the reason why I HAVE to wear headphones and listen to music on the bus to cope. This is why I don’t like going to parties, I prefer to stay at home, or a friend’s home, and not go out into public often. It sucks.

Keep in mind though, this is my experience with my Autism. It will be different for other people with Autism.

Thank you for reading my long rant. Have a good day!


Therapy Dog

Published July 2, 2016 by wackybrittany

I briefly mentioned in my last post that Joseph has a therapy dog. Unfortunately we weren’t able to raise enough money to get a service dog. We went with the next best thing, a therapy dog. Her name is Sadie and she is about 15 weeks old.

My mom went onto Craigslist to try to find a lab for Joseph, since she found out labs are best for autistic children. Someone responded and told her about Walabs. A dog kennel in Onalaska, Washington who breeds and sells purebred labs. They also donate dogs to children with Autism. So my mom, my two sisters, Joseph, and myself took a trip up there to see a potential puppy. It took about an hour and a half to get there. Long story short Joseph seemed to like Sadie, he smiled and petted her once. She seems to get calm and quiet around Joseph. We were able to take her home with us that day. Walabs was nice enough to donate Sadie to Joseph because he has autism.

I haven’t been back to my mom’s since, that was about a week ago, but from what she told me Joseph has had a couple of meltdowns at home. She would go lay next to him, with her head facing him, during his meltdowns. She seems to sense that he is apprehensive about her, my moms words. But she will lay there until his meltdowns are over.

For now I hope that Joseph will get adjusted to having Sadie around. He’s used to cats and rodents as pets, but he’s not really been around dogs too often. He’s seen them in town and stuff, but that’s all. I also hope she gets adjusted to her new home as well. She has taken a liking to our mom quite a bit.

Sadie is Joseph’s dog. Yes we can go for walks with her and Joseph, we can give her baths, we can play with her, and we can help take care of her, but she is primarily for Joseph.

The first picture is kind of blurry, but that was with my mom’s phone and my sister had to take a quick picture. The next one was better, but it’s just of her.

If you want to find out more information about Walabs check out their Website, and Facebook.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Partners

Published June 30, 2016 by wackybrittany

This week’s photo challenge is Partners. This was a little difficult for me. I had no clue what to choose. A picture if my boyfriend and I? A picture of my brother and myself? I really wanted a picture of my brother and his new therapy dog, but I didn’t manage to get one of those. I won’t be seeing them for a few more days, and I feel it would’ve been a forced picture since he’s still apprehensive about her.

I chose this picture. I’m not sure it really shows partnership in the traditional way, but I really like this picture, so I’ll swing with it. I was on a small family trip to go get my younger brother a therapy dog. The trip was a total of four hours long, there and back. I was sitting right next to him in the van. On our way there Joseph, my younger brother, randomly reaches his hand over and for a brief moment we held hands.  I’m glad I took this picture because it’s rare that he reaches out like this to hold hands. I live for precious moments like this. He isn’t one for too much affection, or to reach out and be interactive with people unless he wants something.

Jubilant in His Own Ways

Published May 20, 2016 by wackybrittany

This week’s Daily Post photo challenge is Jubilant. When I was thinking of what picture I wanted to use for this challenge I immediately thought of my younger brother Joseph. I have talked about him before in a couple of other blog posts. He is eight years old, has Autism and diabetes, and he is non verbal.

I was able to capture a few rare moments. He was laughing and smiling. He doesn’t smile or laugh very often. I originally thought of the one where he’s wearing sunglasses and smiling. I found a couple more on my Facebook of him smiling as well. The pictures are a couple to a few years old.

He loves going on the swing. He gets very excited and start to laugh sometimes when he’s swinging. I was able to capture one of those moments.

The bottom picture of him and myself was just a random chance. I like to try to take selfies with him once in a while. Lately he just shoves my iPad away and wants to be left alone. I guess I catch him at bad times. I still try to take pictures with him whenever I can.

Joseph is usually very happy, he just doesn’t show it very often. I love these rare moments.

I decided to add one more picture at the bottom. A picture of him content. He had just put my shoes on for some reason, I just thought it was kind of silly.

A Different Type of Day For Me

Published April 26, 2016 by wackybrittany

This is a personal story about my time with my younger brother Joseph and how he had a meltdown in the waiting room of a doctors office. It’s kind of a long read. If you don’t know what a meltdown is, Google it. I’m letting you know that a meltdown is not the same as a tantrum. It’s due to frustration with communication, or anything for that matter, but this case is due to communication. He has non verbal autism and is eight years old. It is a complicated situation.

Today, since I wasn’t on campus at school, I had to do some errands with my mom. After our errands I went with my mom to one of Joseph’s appointments. This is why my day was different for me. Since I moved out of my moms place, and after I started college (both happened at two different times) I haven’t spent much time during the week with my mom or brother. I usually don’t see my mom except on Sunday’s, which is family day.

Anyway, went to an appointment with my mom for Joseph.  It was a behavioral appointment because of his autism. I don’t know the details, but that’s where what I’m about to talk about takes place. At some point Joseph tried to leave the room during his appointment. He wasn’t needed since it was my mom and the guy (the behaviorlist) talking. So I took him out to the waiting room. Everything was fine. Until he saw a disposable water bottle that is halfway filled with water. He started in on a meltdown.

See, he uses empty water bottles for stemming. He already had a water bottle from earlier, but he loves to get a new water bottle every few hours or so to stem with. We either drink the water or pour it into a gallon sized water bottle. Google stemming. Essentially it’s meant to keep him calm. He uses it to hit his chin repeatedly. Every specialist that works with him knows this. He isn’t hurting himself, so they say it’s okay for him to do this since he is calming himself down.

So the bottle was on the floor, he took my hand and pulled on it to go reach for it. I pulled my hand away and said no, he doesn’t need it. He started getting upset, so he pulled my hand again, I told him no again, that’s when he starts screaming. Well not a normal scream. It’s hard to explain, it’s like wailing, or an obvious sound that he’s upset, and it’s loud, and gets louder. He wears a helmet to protect his head since when he goes into a meltdown he hits himself in the head.mmy mom was told by his occupational therapist that he chosen not to hurt anyone when he has a meltdown. He has chosen to only hurt himself. We are lucky, I am aware. That doesn’t mean someone won’t get hurt on accident if we get in his way of his legs kicking, or him wiggling around, or him running.

So after he starts to hit himself in the head and gets louder and is squealing because he’s mad I pick up the water bottle to throw it away, which the garbage can is next to the front desk. He comes over and picks it up to hand to me. I tell him no and “I’m sorry, but this isn’t ours,” he don’t care. He wants the bottle.  The lady at the desk looked concerned. I took the water bottle from his hand and put it on the counter and explained that he has autism and he stems with water bottles and someone left a water bottle half filled behind. She took it, apologized, and threw it away. She was great with handling the situation. Rather than get mad and give us dirty looks she tried to explain that it was hers to him (even though it wasn’t) and that she threw it away. He wasn’t happy. He pulled my hand a couple of times towards the desk to tell me he wanted it. I didn’t cave. I told him no and I’m sorry. I rubbed his back a little bit. I don’t know if it’s helpful, but it’s helpful for me. A way to calm me down since I’m overwhelmed myself. I’m trying something, which is better than nothing.

I tried to calm him down, but I really don’t know how to. He was still really upset and on and off screaming and squealing. Oh man. To be honest, I was a little embarrassed. I’m not out in public often when he has meltdowns. I did apologize to her and she said I have to reason to apologize.

I remembered my mom keeps water bottles out in the van for him, so I told him That and tried to get him out to the van. We can go and get one and just wait in the van for my mom while she was wrapping up with the guy. I was calm and trying to rub his back. He was leaning over the front desk at this point so upset and still mad. I stayed calm and quiet. I tried to direct him towards the door. He didn’t budge. After a little bit of rubbing his back and calmly telling him to go to the van for a water bottle. He finally started to move. I directed him to the van.hen he’s upset or in meltdown mode it’s hard to get him to move so I have to push him to go. It’s not a shove, but a push hard enough to get him to walk. He was resistant, but started to move enough to walk out of the door. First we stopped at the water fountains, there were two, so he can fill up his water bottle and pour it out, for both, the same way he came in.

We made it to the van, finally. I opened his door, he got in and sat down, I grabbed a water bottle from the back. I sat next to him on the floor of the van, with my feet on the ground, he grabbed his Ritz crackers, and I started to drink the water from the bottle so I can give it to him. He was calm after that. When I was done with the water bottle I gave it to him, and he was happy. The meltdown was over. He is on Reaperadol, or however it’s spelt, for his behavior. He has only been on it for a month, but there has been an improvement on his meltdowns. They are shorter and less intense according to my mom.

I took a picture post meltdown for some reason. He doesn’t care. There he is, crackers, water bottle, helmet, and all. He hates the strap being on, so It’s just kept not fastened.

Just a random thought, sometimes when he’s getting upset, and he’s not wearing his helmet, he will put it on himself. It seems to calm him to wear it, but helpful so he won’t hurt himself.

I love my brother, very much. I know earlier I said I was embarrassed, I was, and I’m not too afraid to admit it. I was embarrassed for many reasons. He was being loud, people were staring, and I didn’t know how to handle him. I don’t care if people stare. It only upsets me because they don’t understand. They don’t understand the scenario and why he is screaming. It isn’t just the fact that they are staring, it’s the fact that we get glared at a lot of the time. We are being judged most of the time, because they don’t understand the situation. Not everybody stares, glares, or judges, but a lot of people do.

I am so thankful for the woman behind the front desk. She was calm and non judgmental. I appreciate her trying to help with the situation. I appreciate her little reminder that I don’t need to apologize for his behavior. I really don’t. That will probably be kind of controversial, apologizing for the behavior of a child, especially one with special needs. But I don’t have to. In that moment I was just more concerned about his well being and he was disturbing the peace as I call it.

I can only imagine what my mom has to go through when she takes him into town, or to appointments, and he has a meltdown. My heart goes out to her. She is a tough woman to have to handle his meltdowns sometimes on a daily basis. My brother was adopted from a friend of mine in high school. My mom is in her 50’s and doing a pretty good job of handling Joseph. Sometimes he is a two man job, but my mom, at times, is the only one there to handle him. My dad works and my older sister isn’t always around when these things happen. (She lives at home). What I mean by a two man job is that to make things easier for my mom she needs another person to help to make it easier for her to take care of him. She doesn’t always get the extra help so she handles him on her own. I don’t know how she does it. It isn’t easy for her because of him being special needs.

He is great and everybody in the family loves him. Thank you mom for being strong enough to take care of Joseph, especially on your own when nobody is around to help.

Thank you for taking time to read my post. I know it’s long, but I appreciate you sticking through to the end. I know I have said some things that people won’t agree with, but I don’t care. Taking care of a special needs child isn’t easy.

I strongly felt the need to post this. I know this is very personal, but I wanted to share this experience. I know that I have it easier than some people. I know things could be worse and he could have chosen to hurt us instead of himself. I am very thankful for that. My heart goes out to the parents of special needs children, but also those who have really bad behavioral problems. It must be hard.

Anyway, thanks again for reading my post.

An Introduction

Published April 25, 2016 by wackybrittany

I figured with the last blog post I made I should introduce my younger brother. His name is Joseph. He is eight years old. My mom adopted him from a friend of mine that I went to high school with. She brought him home from the hospital two days after he was born. He was about 18 months when the doctor saw a concern with his development. After about a year of tests he was diagnosed with Autism. About the summer of last year he was also diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. 

I love him so much. He is great. He is also very smart. He is non verbal, but didn’t use to be. At school he communicates with an iPad. At home we use a tiny bit of sign language, pictures, and when he pulls out food he wants, or gets dressed to go somewhere. He als hands us he did or tv remote to tell us he wants to watch something.

He loves bubbles. When he was younger he would want us to blow bubbles for him all the time. Now, with some help, he blows bubbles all the time. He also loves trains. If he could he’d watch YouTube videos of trains all day. His favorite color is green. We know because he had two identical blankets, one green, one blue. He preferred the green one over the blue one. He loves pillows and stuffed animals. He has a huge pile of both in his room. He used to bring them all into the living room while watching tv, then back into the bedroom to sleep.

I love this picture of us. I brought my phone upto take a picture with him. After a couple of photos he reached over and touched the round button on the screen to take a picture. He has never taken a picture himself of us together. Once in a while he will take a picture of I’m trying to get a picture, but most of the time just ignores me or pushes me away.

Thanks for reading a little bit about my brother. Since I have decided to take time to introduce him I figured I should talk about him more in the future.