All posts tagged autism

Making Touch Choices

Published July 22, 2019 by wackybrittany

I had to make a really touch choice recently. It’s for my own health. I have to go from full time, back down to part time work. L

Please don’t argue. But what about the money? Please don’t say anything that has to do with “but that’s part of being an adult.” Yea, I know, but I’m not a normal adult. I’m an adult with “special needs.” I’m autistic, I have mental health issues, I have other health problems. Working full time is too much for me. I know my limits. I have gone far beyond my limits.

Those are the reasons why only a handful of people know my decision. The ones closest to me. I know people are going to judge, so I only told those who wouldn’t judge.

I’m lucky I’m in a position to make this choice. I need more rest than others. I need more time for myself. I need more time to sleep.

It’s a tough choice. But it’s one I had to make. I’m hoping this will do more good than harm. It’ll be a bit of an adjustment.

Thanks for reading. Take care!


Rough First Day

Published September 26, 2017 by wackybrittany

Like I talked about in my last blog post, today was the first day of school. It was pretty tough. I barely got enough sleep last night. I had a hard time falling asleep, staying asleep, and I tossed and turned a lot. Dang anxiety!

I need to review slopes for my math class. We just continue from where I left off from my last class. The teacher goes kind of fast too. I’ll be struggling this term.

I also found out that for one online computer class I need a laptop so I can do my homework on the go. I have a Linux laptop and a windows desktop. It’s not required, but it would be 10x’s easier if I had one. I also should’ve already taken the other computer class I’m taking, but it’s not required. This is going to be a fun term..
After class got out I went to the bookstore to get my books. I had to wait in line an hour before I could buy my book. That’s typical for the first week of class. Why do college textbooks have to cost so much?

I’m facing at least 30 hours of homework per week along with my 12 credit classes. On top of that I work. Why must I do this to myself? This is too difficult for me. I can’t handle this type of stress.

I’m not neurotypical. I have no other choice though. I’ve been forced to go t work because I’m no longer disabled enough for Social Security. I want to go to school for a better job than a cashier at Walmart, but it’s too difficult to work and go to school. Why does life have to shit on me so hard right now? Ugh!

Rant over, for now, sorry.

Thanks for reading! I hope you have a good day!


Autism Walk 2017 Oaks Park

Published May 1, 2017 by wackybrittany

I had a fun day today. I went to an Autism Walk that I signed up for through work. It was at Oaks Amusement Park in Portland Oregon. It was for the Autism Society of Oregon. It was super nerve racking though because I was there, by myself. Even though I saw some co-workers I was more or less on my own.

Afterwards I did spend the day there since it has been years since I’ve gone, and I new I probably wouldn’t be back. It wasn’t as fun going on rides on my own, but I still had fun. Below are the pictures that I took.

Front of the shirt that I wore:

Back of the shirt:


There were a lot of people there:

There were people dressed in costumes of Star Wars characters:

There was a stage with music and there were kids dancing and having fun:

The meaning of the logo on the shirt:

Random pictures at the amusement park:

Golf course above and below:

For some reason I took a picture of my shoes, putt, and ball:

Me on the carousel:

Me on the scrambler. I ride that one at least five times:


Published April 18, 2017 by wackybrittany

Ugh, just ugh. Lately everything just feels yucky. No I’m not sick, but I feel emotionally yucky, which has been making me exhausted all the time.

Warning, this is a rant about how frustrated and tired I am right now about stuff in my life.

For the first few months of working I was so focused on not messing up, (which I still did), at work that I was able to block out the noise. Now that I don’t feel like I have to focus so hard I can hear most everything around me all at once. It was as if one day I started to hear everything all at once. Not just at work, but everywhere around me. It was as if someone pushed a button and all the noise came all at once.

I mentioned in a previous blog post, (that I deleted), that I’m on the Autism Spectrum. My learning disability, PDD, was put onto the spectrum a few years ago. Here is a link that I found that describes PDD a little more, and the part of being on the Autism Spectrum.

I am working because Social Security has decided that I am no longer considered disabled enough to stay on Social Security. Unfortunately, when going through the process of being re-evaluated last year I only really knew about having a learning disability and that it has a name. On the paperwork I only put that I have a learning disability, I never put that it’s PDD. I didn’t find out about the Autism Spectrum until after I had the evaluations done to see if I’m still disabled. I would think that they would go through ALL of the paperwork since childhood and see what my learning disability is. I figured they would go through the file of the psychologist that I saw in 2012 or 2013 who said my condition will not improve. Apparently not. 

It’s frustrating because I have a hard time talking about my needs, talking about my disability, talking about what I can or can’t do. When I start to think about such things I get overwhelmed and I start to shut down.

Now, it’s become more difficult for me to work because it’s usually loud. Not usually a constant loud, but loud most of the time. I also don’t like how there are a lot of people everywhere all at once mixed with the noise. It’s so overwhelming that all I want to do is shit down and cry.

Why am I working retail if it’s too noisy? Or too much to handle? Why not get a different job? Well, for one I don’t have a degree to get a better job. Another reason is not very many places don’t require multitasking or having to interact with people. Lastly, I don’t have any other job skills or experience for most other jobs. I’m bad at cleaning, pushing carts, washing dishes, and I cook ALL my meals in the microwave because cooking gives me anxiety. 

I am also not wanting to look for online work because most everything online that I’ve come across is a scam. I can’t run an Etsy shop fully for an income. My Squishbelly Etsy shop failed. I wouldn’t be able to figure out how to do taxes for a business.

I found a pretty good video on YouTube that shows what it’s like for me when I hear the world on a daily basis. It says children with Autism, but it also goes for adults.

I would like for you to watch that video, then come back and finish reading this. This is why when I’m working and there is a lot going on and someone tries to talk to me I stare at them. I can’t hear their words. The words get muffled and come in and out. It makes me want to cry. It is the reason why I HAVE to wear headphones and listen to music on the bus to cope. This is why I don’t like going to parties, I prefer to stay at home, or a friend’s home, and not go out into public often. It sucks.

Keep in mind though, this is my experience with my Autism. It will be different for other people with Autism.

Thank you for reading my long rant. Have a good day!


Therapy Dog

Published July 2, 2016 by wackybrittany

I briefly mentioned in my last post that Joseph has a therapy dog. Unfortunately we weren’t able to raise enough money to get a service dog. We went with the next best thing, a therapy dog. Her name is Sadie and she is about 15 weeks old.

My mom went onto Craigslist to try to find a lab for Joseph, since she found out labs are best for autistic children. Someone responded and told her about Walabs. A dog kennel in Onalaska, Washington who breeds and sells purebred labs. They also donate dogs to children with Autism. So my mom, my two sisters, Joseph, and myself took a trip up there to see a potential puppy. It took about an hour and a half to get there. Long story short Joseph seemed to like Sadie, he smiled and petted her once. She seems to get calm and quiet around Joseph. We were able to take her home with us that day. Walabs was nice enough to donate Sadie to Joseph because he has autism.

I haven’t been back to my mom’s since, that was about a week ago, but from what she told me Joseph has had a couple of meltdowns at home. She would go lay next to him, with her head facing him, during his meltdowns. She seems to sense that he is apprehensive about her, my moms words. But she will lay there until his meltdowns are over.

For now I hope that Joseph will get adjusted to having Sadie around. He’s used to cats and rodents as pets, but he’s not really been around dogs too often. He’s seen them in town and stuff, but that’s all. I also hope she gets adjusted to her new home as well. She has taken a liking to our mom quite a bit.

Sadie is Joseph’s dog. Yes we can go for walks with her and Joseph, we can give her baths, we can play with her, and we can help take care of her, but she is primarily for Joseph.

The first picture is kind of blurry, but that was with my mom’s phone and my sister had to take a quick picture. The next one was better, but it’s just of her.

If you want to find out more information about Walabs check out their Website, and Facebook.

Weekly Photo Challenge – Partners

Published June 30, 2016 by wackybrittany

This week’s photo challenge is Partners. This was a little difficult for me. I had no clue what to choose. A picture if my boyfriend and I? A picture of my brother and myself? I really wanted a picture of my brother and his new therapy dog, but I didn’t manage to get one of those. I won’t be seeing them for a few more days, and I feel it would’ve been a forced picture since he’s still apprehensive about her.

I chose this picture. I’m not sure it really shows partnership in the traditional way, but I really like this picture, so I’ll swing with it. I was on a small family trip to go get my younger brother a therapy dog. The trip was a total of four hours long, there and back. I was sitting right next to him in the van. On our way there Joseph, my younger brother, randomly reaches his hand over and for a brief moment we held hands.  I’m glad I took this picture because it’s rare that he reaches out like this to hold hands. I live for precious moments like this. He isn’t one for too much affection, or to reach out and be interactive with people unless he wants something.

Jubilant in His Own Ways

Published May 20, 2016 by wackybrittany

This week’s Daily Post photo challenge is Jubilant. When I was thinking of what picture I wanted to use for this challenge I immediately thought of my younger brother Joseph. I have talked about him before in a couple of other blog posts. He is eight years old, has Autism and diabetes, and he is non verbal.

I was able to capture a few rare moments. He was laughing and smiling. He doesn’t smile or laugh very often. I originally thought of the one where he’s wearing sunglasses and smiling. I found a couple more on my Facebook of him smiling as well. The pictures are a couple to a few years old.

He loves going on the swing. He gets very excited and start to laugh sometimes when he’s swinging. I was able to capture one of those moments.

The bottom picture of him and myself was just a random chance. I like to try to take selfies with him once in a while. Lately he just shoves my iPad away and wants to be left alone. I guess I catch him at bad times. I still try to take pictures with him whenever I can.

Joseph is usually very happy, he just doesn’t show it very often. I love these rare moments.

I decided to add one more picture at the bottom. A picture of him content. He had just put my shoes on for some reason, I just thought it was kind of silly.